Atonement | Poetry

Disclaimer: This poem is drawn from my personal experiences and was very hard to compose. The only message I’m trying to convey through this poem is, ” In a world where you can be anything, be kind.”

Part 1

Every time I look into the mirror,
There looms a face I no longer know.
Stained with traces of unknown terror;
Deep scar marks on its faces show.
A face, straight from the netherworld,
A world from where all hope has fled.
Shapeless, hairless, its eyes blood red;
A phantom from the world of the dead.

She peers through the glass into my eyes
Hissing and whispering a web of lies.
In a feeble voice and under my guise,
She berates in foul tongues to chastise.
Bereft of hope, no redemption in sight
I fall to depths where no mortals thrive
No matter how much I fight to strive.
The bottomless pit devours me alive.

You love too little, curse, scream and rage
Ungrateful, wicked, you don’t act your age
Unrelenting, spiteful, stubborn as a mule
Of all in the herd, you’re the biggest fool.
You dare shed tears! You’re twelve in years!
Better stay quiet, or they’ll box your ears.
Pour out your heart to the silent wall
None will answer your desperate call.

You have no friend, no saviour, no kin.
Who can purge you from your world of sin
A bad Christian, you’d never reach heaven,
You forgive 70 times, not 70 times seven.
Sacrifice your soul, bleed till you’re dead
Even if your cheeks are crimson red.
Put on a charade ‘n pretend all is fine. 
Nobody cares about your mental decline.

Be the perfect daughter, no one can know
The price you pay behind all the fake show.
Collect more trophies, make your folks proud
Praise one ‘n all, while they mock you aloud.
Don’t beg for attention, your mom has no time.
She’s on the phone, you’re not worth a dime.
Believe her lies, only her filthy lies hold true
After all, doesn’t she care deeply about you?

Dry out your eyes, why those phony tears?
The God you love doesn’t answer prayers.
Look not for true love, you deserve the worst.
Drink gallons of poison to quench your thirst.
Reeking of failure, drenched in sin and hate.
Blame only yourself for your terrible fate.
I listen in horror, it is too much to bear
I scream in despair, “DOES NOBODY CARE?”

Part 2

No more silent, now I’ll speak, for I must
For twenty long years, I’ve suffered enough.
My heart wrenched out and trampled to dust
I will shed tears, I’m sick of being tough.
Surrounded by critics who love to play God,
They all walked away, so alone I fought.
With biased verdicts, the haters are fraud!
Conjuring more lies, once they’re caught.

Without any aid, left to fend on my own,
Badly hurt, I broke my Christian bones.
I struck the final blow, I made it all alone
Breathing ‘n panting in victorious groans.
Now it’s time to enjoy the spoils of war,
I'll show no mercy, woe unto the liar!
Chided for crying, no spare tears in store.
They’ve all dried out, now I only spit fire.

They’ve preyed on my goodness, day in ‘n out
Voiceless, weary, I could'nt scream nor shout.
In agony, in misery, crumbling in self doubt
I played the good lover ‘n child, all throughout.
Where there is no justice, I’ll always be blamed
I’ll curse, scream and rage to lessen my pain.
Ungrateful ‘n wicked - if that’s how I’m framed.
I'll embrace my flaws, unapologetic I’ll remain.

My mind is troubled and my heart is sore
My body is marred by wounds and aches.
I’ll burn their capes, I'll be fooled no more.
I’ll raise fiery hell, if that’s what it takes.
Covered in bruises and scathed in scars.
Now it’s my turn to play the victim card.
I’ll unscrew ‘n shatter all my revenge jars.
‘N strike the demons with each keen shard.

I need no mercy, no friend, saviour or kin
My life is precious, I don’t drench in sin.
I love with a love - true, patient and kind.
A more passionate soul, you never will find.
I’ll hear no more lies, my salvation is near
I owe you no closure, I have nothing to fear.
In a fit of sheer rage, I stab the lying mirror.
With that, I ended its ruthless reign of terror.

The mirror comes crashing onto the floor.
The face disappears and it lies no more.
Atoned and redeemed, now I’ll begin anew.
The battle is won, I’ve made it through.
Tomorrow is a new day, I’ll rise to light
After many dark years, the sun shines bright.
Deep within me, fountains of hope spring.
Loud and clear, the bells of freedom ring.

© Copyright: Leah Chrestien. October 2020.  The post Atonement| Poetry first appeared on The Ecstatic Storyteller. The author reserves the right to the content. Picture Source: Google.